A friend of mine recently said to me, “I don’t know how you do it, staying home with two kids all day, every day…when do you and your husband ever get time to yourselves?”
I laughed. Being a stay-at-home mommy is not for everyone, though I personally love it. But my friend has a point, and she’s not the first one to make it to me: parents, whether stay-at-home or not, have to make time for each other. It’s not a secret that when husbands and wives make time for each other, they are generally happier in the marriage – kids or no kids. And yes, life gets in the way and it’s often difficult to do that, but read any advice column from any relationship counselor out there, and it will tell you that making time for each other is key for your marriage. Because let’s face it – that initial, butterflies-in-your-stomach-all-the-time feeling can’t last…especially when you watch each other get puked on and change the world’s most disgusting diapers on a regular basis. The only way to keep the magic alive is to break the routine, spend some time together, and make the effort to remember why you fell in love in the first place.
But despite what I’ve said so far, the purpose of this blog post is not to give advice for how to maintain a solid marriage.
I started thinking about my conversation with my friend, and how easy it is to get in the dreaded “rut” in your most meaningful relationships. And I realized that as crucial as it is to try to avoid that in your marriage, there’s another relationship that is even more vital to nurture, and that’s your relationship with God. But in the midst of all that life brings with each passing day, I can say from my own experience that it’s probably the easiest one to push to the side.
I think that the things that come with Christianity sometimes just get added to a to-do list. We know what we’ve been taught to do as Christians – pray, read the Bible, go to church. But when we do those things simply out of habit or because we think we are supposed to, we are missing the point. It’s easy to get trapped in the “rules” that accompany Christianity, mindlessly following them because it’s what we are supposed to do. It’s also easy to get bogged down by all the do-this and don’t-do-that that comes along with it.
But Jesus came to the Earth breaking all those man-made rules…part of the reason the religious leaders hated Him so much. For example, they were strict about reserving Sunday strictly for God and resting, meaning do NO work. That didn’t stop Jesus from healing a man’s shriveled hand in the synagogue on a Sunday. His accusers watched Him, just waiting to see if He would break the rule. And He did, pointing out, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” (Mark 3:4) before He ordered the man to stretch out his hand and restored it.
Until recently, I was guilty of getting caught up in the “rules.” I prayed pretty regularly, I read my Bible fairly often, and I never missed a Sunday at my church. But all of it, all of my actions, were empty. I was doing what I was supposed to, but the fact was, I had fallen out of love with Jesus. In fact, looking back, I’m not sure I was ever truly in love with Him – not the way I am now. I believed in Him, which I knew was a requirement to get to heaven. (After all, that’s what you learn when you’re young, right? John 3:16…“Whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life”?) But the fact is, that’s only step one. Because if you believe in Him…REALLY believe in Him…and you ask Him into your heart, you can’t keep living life the way you always did before. I’ve used this quote from a friend of mine on another blog post before, but I love it so much that I’m using it again here – you can’t sit and continue to eat breakfast when you realize your house is on fire. That belief REQUIRES ACTION. Receiving His love REQUIRES ACTION. And not mindless, I’m-doing-this-because-someone-told-me-to action. That ACTION has to spring from HIS LOVE inside of you.
So how do you stay “in love” with Jesus? It requires work, just like any other meaningful relationship in your life. You have to seek Him. You have to read His word as often as you can. And more than anything, you have to pray. In the book of Mark, a father came to Jesus, begging for Him to heal his son. When Jesus told the man to believe, he cried out, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (9:24). In other words, he believed, but he wanted to believe EVEN MORE. I was so moved by the man’s desire for Jesus that I use that approach in my prayer life. God, I love You, but help me to love You more. God, I believe in You, but help me to believe in You more. God, I am seeking You, but help me to seek You more. God, I give my life to You, but help me to give even more of myself to You. Give me chances to show Your love to others. Give me situations to proclaim Your love and mercy and grow in my relationship with You.
And I’ve found that when I start my day this way, when I really seek Him and watch for His work in my life, I’m seeing His hand in my life more and more every day. How can I not be in love with my Creator who reveals Himself to me, who loves me unconditionally and forgives me time after time after time? My prayer today is that my love for Him never grows stale, that I never again fall into that “rut” in my life again.